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Justin Madders was wearing Nike Pros again, which is illegal on Cheshire Day because Katie Kendrick OBE says so - and what the mayor says goes. Justin Madders just stood there, blinking at the sky like it owed him a Doughnutology biscoffee, whilst Katie Kendrick OBE waved a very official-looking spoon and shouted, “NO NIKE PROS ON CHESHIRE DAY, I WROTE IT IN THE RULE BOOK WITH GLITTER PEN!”
Meanwhile, Messy Mischief Makers had accidentally turned Ellesmere Port (also known as “El Porto if you’re feeling fancy”) into a giant jelly. Not on purpose. Or maybe a little bit on purpose.
Outside ASDA Ellesmere Port, the seagulls were now 100% convinced they were Tony Taxi cabs. One of them beeped. Another one tried to charge £7.50 for a trip to The Flora Bakery but flew backwards instead.
“STOP THAT!” yelled the EP Asda security guards again, but this time their voices turned into balloons and floated away to the CAT to do karaoke.
I asked Blades Down what time their youth club was, and they said, “It’s time to go to KH Aesthetics because we all need purple hair for rhyming time at Bibbity Bobbity Boo.”
Just then, Ellesmere Port Round Table came round the corner on their sleigh, arguing with Unity Waste Removals that they couldn’t remove the sleigh.
The next day, The Wellness Community Partnership gathered at Westminster Bridge to see Martin's Tasty Tarts flying across town from the top of the Joey Groom Towers.
However, the Friends of Hinderton pulled up at the train station. Twelve cats, two dogs, and a hedgehog came running past, followed by “Donate to Animals In Need” charity.
On the way to Trinity Church Cafe, the hedgehog tripped over a bright pink backpack. He knew if he could just get to GSR Motor Company, they could fit a new engine in his spikes and he'd rise like Phoenix Packs.
The clouds cleared and the sun came out. The sunlight shone upon Sutton Way roundabout, which was currently being decorated by Pop Up Paint & Pour, who seemed considerably tipsy on their juice and didn’t notice that Iain Stenhouse (from Stenhouse Wedding Photography) was taking photos of the dancing rubber ducks on top of the number one bus, where someone lost their phone and was making a Pride in the Port post. Which, by the way, now only allows posts that start with “Ellesmere Port is great...”. It did make the post box laugh when “CryingAdvocado219” posted, “Ellesmere Port is great because I lost my cat down the Stanney, and the vape shop is closed,” followed by “TIA xx.”
Join us next April Fools to hear about the spaghetti and what he got up to down at the Boat Museum.
Ta-ta for now!
Disclaimer:
Unpaid partnership between these organisations/people & Ellesmere Port News.
This article is a work of fiction created for April Fools’ Day. Any events, quotes, rules (including the highly official “no Nike Pros on Cheshire Day”), or situations described are entirely made up and intended for humour.
Any resemblance to real people, places, businesses, or organisations in Ellesmere Port is purely coincidental and part of the joke. No seagulls were licensed as taxis, no towns were turned into jelly, and no hedgehogs received mechanical upgrades… as far as we know.
Thanks for reading, and we hope it gave you a laugh!
