Come with me as we venture into the never ending evolution of documenting my life as a content creator & more, while living every moment.
At what point did i stop living my life and start filming it?
I don’t remember the last time i didn’t lay awake at night mulling over the many fast approaching deadlines.
Waking up on a Sunday, my first thought being what hat i will be wearing to begin my day, Wether to set in motion as the videographer or editor. Planning my filming schedule to get the best lighting, angles and skin shots before getting out of bed.
Am I Living or…. Performing?
People always complain about current content creators being “performative” but every form of modern media is a performance the fact that me and you will retake a picture just so you get the right angle or so you don’t look weird is a performance.
The Blurred Line
There is a very blurry line between documenting your life to perform for your audience and living life, sometimes that line becomes nonexistent. Because the reality is when that line is teetered on everything becomes content, everything becomes a performance, So much so that ordinary everyday moments are morphed into content in my head.
The Retake
It starts small, so small you don’t notice at first. I’m pouring myself some tea, my mind races on how i could turn this into an aesthetic mini vlog and get one more piece of content in for the day. Thats always how it is one more, one more angle, one more shot of b-roll one more hour of editing thats how it is. Until my whole life is centred around content my whole life, a retake of that angle, a retake of getting that nice scenery in frame, just a retake.
And the strange part is its something that runs deep in my Subconscious it started slowly and quietly until it became the norm its just the life when you do content creation but that doesn’t mean i don’t love it… because i do. i love creating, i love capturing moments i love turning something as simple as a walk or doing my skincare into something joyful where i’m able to express myself.
Food for thought
Maybe its not about choosing one over the other living in reality or documenting it. Maybe its knowing the time and place for each.
Because somewhere along the way, capturing moments became just as important as experiencing them and is that an entirely bad thing, no.
But i cant help but wonder
if i stopped filming everything would my life feel different or would i be living it the way it was meant to be lived?
I am still yet to get the answer for that.
Jake Blucker - Upsplash